Are you there GOD? I would like an explanation.

I have always thought that I had a fairly easy life. I had a good upbringing, I married a wonderful man and have 3 beautiful children. I paid attention in church but never fully understood why I was being told that life is hard. I am suppose to recieve my  reward  in heaven, but whats so hard about life? I have it pretty good. maybe too good. Sure, I have had my share of heartbreaks, made some tough decisions and felt letdown a time or two, but nothing I couldnt deal with.  Maybe this is what "they" meant when "they " said that GOD won't give me more than I can handle.

The thought has crossed my mind, What if something were to happen to one of my children? What would I do if I lost one of them? I knew that I would lay down and die, I wouldnt  have a choice.  surely thats what would happen. I assumed GOD knew this and didnt hand me what I could not take.

The day I found out I that my baby would not survive was the day I realized just how strong I really was. This doesnt mean that i didnt want to lay down and die because I most certainly did. But I knew I had 3 litttle boys waiting at home for me to feed them to bathe them and to love them. My life had to go on.

I walked through months of my life in a haze. But I walked. I spent a number of days in bed and in tears but I got up and walked again. Not only have I walked, but I have fought.

I have fought to live through an unbearable heartbreak and I have fought Cancer. and I am winning.

I no longer feel that GOD is sparing me, I feel like he has given me an enormous cross to carry. I cant even begin to understand why he would do this to me, but I am told that in time he will show me why it has to be this way. I have faith so I will wait (not patiently) for his explanation. I think he owes me that.

March 2009 I was baptized along with my children in Saint Anns Catholic church.
This is the day I put my trust and faith in the lord.